in the past year or so, i’ve connected with a lot of women who reach out to me because they’ve seen me hosting retreats and gatherings, and have their own desires to do the same in various ways. i always feel SO lit up, and inspired hearing about their beautiful visions and ideas.
it’s really saddening how many of these ideas don’t make it out into the world. (my own included. i spend so much of my time dreaming about what could be, and the work of making it manifest in the world can feel so hard.)
of course, everyone who’s ever created anything has had to overcome these fears and blocks, BUT i also see this as part of the work that is particular to our experience as women (as well as any other identities we hold which have brought us unique struggles to contend with)
we have been trained to follow the rules, to fulfill expectations, and to never feel like we’re enough - we are probably really really good at this.
often women reach out with a desire to get advice, but having been trained as a life coach and counselor, i know so clearly that advice is very often not what they need. i do not have the answers. and i’ve stopped trusting people who claim to know what i need more than myself - and i recommend that you also stay away from people who don’t remind you that YOU are the one who holds the answers. (so much more to say about this, but not today.) and so i try to steer the conversation away from “what i think they should do” or “any tips i have for how they can get started” and back to some important reminders. here they are - (these are from one specific conversation this morning, but i am sharing them because i’m certain that the woman i spoke with today is not the only one who needs these reminders):
your idea is BEAUTIFUL. what a courageous vision you have. i know that this world NEEDS that. it makes me feel so encouraged and hopeful to know that you’re thinking about this.
you’re already more ready, and know more than you’re giving yourself credit for. i know you and i and all of us have been trained to think that we don’t yet have enough qualifications, that there are other people who are more knowledgeable, that we need more degrees and trainings and experience before they’ll take us seriously, before we’re worthy of offering what we want to give to the world. but the thing is, the reason you’ve been struck by inspiration, is that YOU are the one who can birth this idea in the world. you might never feel like you know enough. that’s because this world is so infinite and we are just human and how could we ever know everything? no one is capable of that. you can trust what you know. you can trust that if you’re feeling called to share something, that you probably know more about it than other people who aren’t feeling that same burning desire.
(she said she felt like someone would ask her something that she wouldn’t know the answer to) it is SO okay to not know. you don’t have to know everything before you begin. isn’t that a funny idea? how would we ever do anything ever? taking a quick look around at the world tells me that clearly there are lots of people, especially those not identifying as women, who don’t struggle with this particular problem. don’t be scared of being human, being imperfect. if they ask you something you don’t know, just be honest. own what you know, and own what you don’t know. by doing so, you’re modeling the very thing we need more of, which is humility and interconnectedness - always knowing the answer to everything perpetuates this insidious idea that we all have to be perfect and flawless, instead of recognizing that we are interconnected, we need each other, we have so much to learn from each other AND teach each other, all of us. so you can just say “i actually don’t know, to be honest. i love that you’re thinking about that. what do you think? here are some ideas i have. does anyone else in this room have thoughts to share on this?” we are all in it together.
yes. it’s scary. it’s totally scary. that’s normal.
we can do it together. if you have an idea you’re afraid to put out there on your own, i would be so excited to support you and be your ally. let’s take these projects on together. and i’m sure i’m not the only person in your life who would be so excited to be invited into a collaboration. so get at it ♥ ♥
I BELIEVE IN YOU. DO YOUR THING GIRL. if you need a pep talk and reminder that YOU ARE AMAZING and YOU CAN DO THIS, i’m here. if you need a long weekend in the desert to really let it sink in, and a community of new soul sisters to witness your glorious magnificent self and cheer you on, come join me at my next retreat at the end of march (which i’m so excited to be co-hosting with my beautiful friend Denise because working with other women is such a beautiful gift, and things are better when we do them together!!!) ♥ ♥ ♥